Lesson learned

You don’t have to survive break up – Break up will help you to survive.

I promised myself before I started this blog that I will never talk about my personal life, and that I will never uncover the source of my musical inspiration. All the songs I wrote are truth. My whole life is in my lyrics!

Now, I have to swallow what I promised because of this what I have experienced in the last few months. It made me stop working on myself, on my music and… it made me stop living.

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We all get stuck in daily life. We are all doing our thing to survive. I am quite good in that, I can tell. I’m just not good enough in some other thing – Love. When I meet someone I’m giving myself in total. My dreams, my time, my love, my health and my money. Everything is in his control. I give and give and give, until I disappear.

That’s how I gave myself to that guy. I’m the guilty one, exactly. No one pushed me to give that much from the start. It was asked from me, yes, but I could’ve done it better. For example – open my eyes and just say to myself “No, this is the limit”.

I accepted whole his life as my own. I accepted the biggest cultural difference you can imagine. I don’t want to say what is it, but, let’s say that was against my own beliefs. I accepted his past and accepted his dreams as my own. I’m aware of what I did to myself. When I opened some of my last blogs, and red the plans I had, and when I got it that I didn’t do any of that?! – I got the alert. Something was reeeeeaaally wrong.

As I said, I don’t blame him for what he is, I blame my own choice. I blame myself letting people like him to sneak into my life. He was acting like he owns me. I was his trophy. I was focusing to please him all the time, to make him happy. He thought that his presence is already enough. Do I deserve that treatment? No. No one deserves that treatment and we all agreed on that. When I say “we” – I don’t think about me and him.

I don’t believe anymore in saying ” I got you babe”.. even though I wrote a song about it. Whole my life, people are asking me to write a happy song, positive one, and once I did it – I shit in my own mouth. I don’t wanna listen to my own song anymore, because it reminds me of how stupid I was in that moment. Lesson is learned.

Now I’m fine. He’s out from my life.

WhatsApp Image 2018-10-18 at 7.51.22 PM

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