You don’t have to survive break up – Break up will help you to survive.
I promised myself before I started this blog that I will never talk about my personal life, and that I will never uncover the source of my musical inspiration. All the songs I wrote are truth. My whole life is in my lyrics!
Now, I have to swallow what I promised because of this what I have experienced in the last few months. It made me stop working on myself, on my music and… it made me stop living.
We all get stuck in daily life. We are all doing our thing to survive. I am quite good in that, I can tell. I’m just not good enough in some other thing – Love. When I meet someone I’m giving myself in total. My dreams, my time, my love, my health and my money. Everything is in his control. I give and give and give, until I disappear.
That’s how I gave myself to that guy. I’m the guilty one, exactly. No one pushed me to give that much from the start. It was asked from me, yes, but I could’ve done it better. For example – open my eyes and just say to myself “No, this is the limit”.
I accepted whole his life as my own. I accepted the biggest cultural difference you can imagine. I don’t want to say what is it, but, let’s say that was against my own beliefs. I accepted his past and accepted his dreams as my own. I’m aware of what I did to myself. When I opened some of my last blogs, and red the plans I had, and when I got it that I didn’t do any of that?! – I got the alert. Something was reeeeeaaally wrong.
As I said, I don’t blame him for what he is, I blame my own choice. I blame myself letting people like him to sneak into my life. He was acting like he owns me. I was his trophy. I was focusing to please him all the time, to make him happy. He thought that his presence is already enough. Do I deserve that treatment? No. No one deserves that treatment and we all agreed on that. When I say “we” – I don’t think about me and him.
I don’t believe anymore in saying ” I got you babe”.. even though I wrote a song about it. Whole my life, people are asking me to write a happy song, positive one, and once I did it – I shit in my own mouth. I don’t wanna listen to my own song anymore, because it reminds me of how stupid I was in that moment. Lesson is learned.
Now I’m fine. He’s out from my life.